Saturday, February 2, 2008

497: Saxon Skirmishing

—Oof! The king's shoulder crumpled like the fender on a Hyundai.

SIR BRANDEGORIS HERE

So..... It's been quite a summer. I feel a little overwhelmed by the recent events, and wonder what the future of Britian will be. I sometimes think the monks habit would have been a good fit for me.....except of course that there was never one made big enough for me. What an ox. so, somehow Sir Idar's manor is thriving still and daily do peasants come to him for protection. By the wagonload! I've seen it with my own eyes and YES, anyone who says my claioms are false WILL get a hamsteak to the face.THOUGH i HAVE never owned land my companions have and they all agree its a hard business. They continually are amazed by the fact that sir Idars peasants are not only content with his rule , but are actually pleased with him in every way! I have been told that this is very unnatural, and that idar might actually be upseting the fuedal order of things, but i must admit that his manor is a most pleasant place to spend a season!Only one thing surprises me more in fact. That with so many happy happy peasant girls Gwair hasnt an heir to spare! bad lick all around mate! That damn lady lilbourne is something else though. She saves your life and takes it all at the same time! I will say that when I heard Duke Julian and his advisor"chuckles" let the saxon king go to Duke Ulfius I wasnt as surprised as I should have been! I was all in with sir padern when he wanted to go "rescue" OUR King from that Damnnable Duke of Silchester. Brass balls! thats what Padern has my friends! I can only say about Padern that "he gives no shit about anything but the honor and justice"! OR... perhaps...cold hard saxon currency!!! What the hell ULFIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old Sir Padern here

Things are getting hot in Lindsey for us Iron Men of Britain. Instead of skulking in the Maris we decided to head south and harass the Saxons in Caer Colun; Brastius thought this an excellent idea.

Before we could set off, we had to hold a shotgun wedding for Lady Lilbourn and Sir Gwair, as the womenfolk at Allington were very stirred up by her following Gwair around like a tramp. We had to set things as right as we could, and make her a proper lady again. Sigh. Gwair!

Anyway, to make a long summer's story short, we were retained by a Saxon band (!) in order to provide cavalry against a second Saxon band. That wily old Brastius agreed, knowing that we would turn on whatever chieftain held the field at the day's end. As luck would have it, when we saw Sir Ulfius aiding the opposing Saxon king, we went nuts and not only captured the Saxon king but one of Ulfius's sons as well!

Now, having no public base of operations, we holed up in Norwich while we negotiated a king's ransom, but that damn weaking Duke Julian interfered in our plans. He let Ufo go back to daddy! And the Saxon atheling would not ransom his father, so now my companions are spread about Britain while I keep watch on our prize—we don't trust Julian—and they shop around for the best price for this king.

And as happy as we are at the prospect of obtaining this ransom, the best part of the summer was when we were in the hall of the atheling and one of his piggish men started a food fight. Sir Brandegoris gave better than he got and, wielding nothing more than a ham steak, smote the Saxon upside the head hard enough to kill him. Yes! Killed by good British ham.

There's a great little ditty going around about the incident. Very catchy tune.

3 comments:

palomydes_saracen said...

SIR BRANDEGORIS HERE
So..... It's been quite a summer. I feel a little overwhelmed by the recent events, and wonder what the future of Britian will be. I sometimes think the monks habit would have been a good fit for me.....except of course that there was never one made big enough for me. What an ox. so, somehow Sir Idar's manor is thriving still and daily do peasants come to him for protection. By the wagonload! I've seen it with my own eyes and YES, anyone who says my claioms are false WILL get a hamsteak to the face.THOUGH i HAVE never owned land my companions have and they all agree its a hard business. They continually are amazed by the fact that sir Idars peasants are not only content with his rule , but are actually pleased with him in every way! I have been told that this is very unnatural, and that idar might actually be upseting the fuedal order of things, but i must admit that his manor is a most pleasant place to spend a season!Only one thing surprises me more in fact. That with so many happy happy peasant girls Gwair hasnt an heir to spare! bad lick all around mate! That damn lady lilbourne is something else though. She saves your life and takes it all at the same time! I will say that when I heard Duke Julian and his advisor"chuckles" let the saxon king go to Duke Ulfius I wasnt as surprised as I should have been! I was all in with sir padern when he wanted to go "rescue" OUR King from that Damnnable Duke of Silchester. Brass balls! thats what Padern has my friends! I can only say about Padern that "he gives no shit about anything but the honor and justice"! OR... perhaps...cold hard saxon currency!!! What the hell ULFIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

palomydes_saracen said...

" If you are referring to the incedent in Thetford I can assure you that me and my companions were barely involved."
- Sir Brandegoris speaking to Duke Julien of Caercolun before being asked to vacate the duchy.

Greg Stafford said...

Here's that Ditty:

Bones, them bones, them HAM bones.
Bones them bones, them HAM bones.

Here’s a little ditty ‘bout Brandegoris.
He’s that big guy who is fightin’ for us!
The Saxon dog, he threw a thigh.
He thought he was kinda tough, oh my oh my!

Bones them bones, them HAM bones.
Bones them bones, them HAM bones.

Well my man Bran
Threw it back again
And now that Saxon’s wife is gonna CRY
Cuz her man is dead
Oh my oh MY!

Bones, them bones, them HAM bones.
Bones them bones, them HAM bones.

Slapped upside the head
With meat and now he’s DEAD!
That’s how Britons bones and met
And you Saxons betta know that we can’t…
be…
beat.
(And know what else?
The dead guy’s wife, she ran off with Gwair)