Thursday, May 15, 2008

506: Girl Trouble

Some quotes. Everybody likes quotes:

"Don't let them put us in a position of breaking Hospitality."
"Hey. I'm just sitting here eating ham."

"You did all this with your loins."

Sir Padern here

Stick with what you know; that's what I say. Getting the peasants to do your bidding? Go to Idar. Intimidating Saxons? Brandegoris is your man. The intricate ways of the city? Avaris knows what to do. How to best torch a village of recalcitrant serfs? Ask Gwalchmai. And relations with the fairer sex? Gwair has all the facts.

So what was I thinking when, after our Somerset campaign with King Nanteliod went bust, of wooing a comely lady in the court at London? I'm an old man; I should have known something wasn't right when I won the arm-wrestling contest against Gwair. He's ten years younger than me! But blinded by Lust I fooled myself into thinking my own brawn was superior, and so went off with a most-willing lady of high looks and some repute.

The next thing I know I am defending myself with my sword, half-clothed and unarmored. I could see, or thought I could, Sir Brandegoris in the hall wailing away at the strange and strangely upset men besetting me. But then one of the dastards ran me through and I sank to the floor bleeding profusely.

The next thing I know I'm being wheeled into court to face charges of...I'm not sure what! And the panel had already made up its mind as to my guilt, so there was no arguing. Eighty-sixed from London, and saddled with a hefty fine for the men Brandegoris killed and laid low. (Good lad.) Count Idar was trying to be diplomatic but it was really too much to take and we were in short order hauled from the courtroom, shouting and cursing at the top of our lungs.

My wound in my, ah, upper thigh procluded us from riding from the city, so Sir Gwalchmai devised a plan whereby Idar and I would boat up the Thames to Hertford-town while the rest of the Candlebees rode out Cripple Gate with squires disguised as me and Idar. Those Septimus thugs were completely fooled, and we got away clean

At Gwair's suggestion we will send them a dinar every Whitsuntide toward the money owed. Ha!

So, not only does Sir Gwair innocently escape the adventure of the Loose Lady of London and her Angry Brothers Greg had planned for him, but when it comes time to apply some healing to my Major Wound....Gwair is usually the Candlebees go-to guy for First Aid, so it's unusual for him to miss, much less fumble. And then the bastard rolls max damage from the fumble! I think I'm just going to steer clear of the ladies, despite my hell-sent new looks.


Zev said...

Sir Avitus here

In the years since my lands were lost to Saxons, I have found the Cymri to be a delightful people, and there are few finer than the Knights I have had the honor of serving beside in the court of Count Edar. I do wish they would take the time to learn proper pronunciation though. Apparently good roman names are difficult.

It was a joy to see London again. When I learned last year that it had been freed, I wept, cursing my fate for volunteering to remain with the Garrison at Leicester instead of walking through Londons gates as a liberator. When the Count said we would be traveling through London I was overjoyed.

Arriving in London was less of a joy than I expected. I was not able to gain an audience with my lord Bishop, and my family lands were in the hands of my elders. Still, it was nice to be in a civilized city. I showed my companions the sites of the city, but my Lord Count and Sir Brandogis thought only of gifts for their lady. Sir Padern and Sir Gwair thought only of finding companionship, and it appears that Gwalchmai was examing the city with an eye towards beseiging it again, but that may have been my imagination.

At dinner I was relieved to hear that Padern and Gwair had not travelled to the more common parts of town in search of fairer companionship. I was amazed to hear that they thought the best women to find were in the tower! I know that the women of London are some of the most beautiful in all of Logres and beyond, but they are women of breeding, not commoners. I warned them that the Ladies of London were to be wooed cautiously. They had families with connections who could be important allies of bitter rivals. Still Padern and Gwair persisted.

It was later that night that my pleasant conversation was interrupted. It seems that Padern had taken a girl from the House of Septimus to his rooms. Her brothers were understanably upset and went to retrieve her. I fear that Brandegoris must have misinterpreted what was happening, because he struck down one of these men. I know Brandegoris to be a man who understands the importance of family, so I expect he thought they would attack Padern. He did not understand that in civilized london, such matters do not end in violence. Unfortunately, in the melee that followed, several more of the Septimus brothers were injured.

The city council refused to see this as the misunderstanding that it was, and Brandegoris and Padern have been banished from the city.

Zev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
steve said...

Brandegoris here...
Well this year didnt begin or end as expected. We went to war in somerset with our King Nanteleod and Count Edar. While there there was a lot of posturing and talk but no real fighting to speak of as King Idres went back to Cornwall where we pursued. After a little raiding and very little plunder we decided that we were no longer needed and went with our Lord Edar to raid into Angles Lands. We never made it.
Instead we stopped to see the wonderful city of Londinium as the romans call it. It was a nice affair and I found a beautifiul necklace of heavy gold for my love Priscilla. She was delighted later to recieve it. The single emerald set into it is the size of a mans thumbnail and brings out her green eyes.
Avitus wanted to show me the sites but in truth, I found London as dirty and filthy as it was magnificent so I just wanted to get a gift and eat then leave the place, but the feast didnt go as planned.
Gwair was looking to plow the field of a noble born Roman lady. However after she showed little interest in his pagan ways, he decided that Padern needed to have a crack at her, so he threw their arm wrestling match and padern then wood the lady who had heard of Paderns prowess.
Padern was doing very well for himself but as he was my knight sponser I have a rare loyalty for him and somehow my instincts took over and I scented trouble. So I stayed close to Paderns sleeping quarters and sure enough several of the lady Septimus' brothers fell upon padern and sorely wounded him before I dispatched one and injured the others.
We then went to prision for murder and causing a Ruckus, and we were then fined an incredibly large amount of money as well as being exiled from London forever. I say good riddance to that cesspool.
Clan Septimus vowed vengence however and chased us to hertford. I wanted to fight them all but Gwalchmai persuaded me that it was a foolish course of action, especially since count Edar and a very injured padern were arriving several days later by ship.
In the end the Earl of Hertford was on our side because he was Nanteleods man and we helped liberate the area only last year. The septimus clan left dissapointed but Im sure we will see them again. It was an unproductive and a very bad year. We will live to see those brothers again.